I am ready for a life of love and joy flowing
I am puing down he angst and walking away .

A new life arrives . She is given away . Is the first experience of this life one of trauma ? Aside from the one of leaving a safe womb does the separation from her beginnings of life impact her sense of comfort and trust ?
She is born with a trusting heart no matter the circumstances . She loves deeply , so deeply that it surprises even her .
Welcomed into a home , into a family , that wants to be what it is not . There is love . There is love that battles within itself and with it’s own brokenness . Her love , in innocence , rises to the surface in moments of celebration . Like when she awakens first thing every morning , before opening her eyes , then is a joyous smile across her face. Did her soul choose to know the indescribable ache while also choosing to carry a joy filled heart and an ever replenishing trust ? The brokenness of the family integrated more trauma into her original wound and in quietness she finds a healer , herself . Did her soul choose ?
And in her quietness she sometimes dreams of knowing wholeness . Enchanted by the sight of the moon and the stars she finds a sense of rootedness in them . And when she is near water and it’s powerful timelessness then she feels held by the breath of all life past , present and future .
The light is delicate tonight and the breezes cool. Someone not too far away is
listening to a soprano singing opera . The sounds drift faintly in the air as I watch the
evening light dance with with shadows before calling it a night .
It’s the sort of peaceful , summer night that soothes the soul and invites a restorative
rest .
New dreams are given space to arrive in the subtle , warm glow of the setting sun .
The longest night has come and the light slows it’s beating heart . Rest into your dreams and warm your spirit with peaceful twirls turning into sleep .
The longest night has come and brings promises of new light . Lean into the winter’s darkness and feel the quiet inside of your heart’s sight .
The longest night has come and sings lightly to awaken your patience and creates stirrings of hope .
The longest night has come and invites you warm yourself in a blanket and to tenderly create visions of whats to come .
Born white and free
and
in ways i did not see .
Until I became a latch key child .
As I grew I rebelled against the white cocoon
and paid a price for it .
Not as dear though as the price paid by African Americans
to simply live .
Or rather …not to live .
What good are my tears for you ? I must use my voice and body to join with yours .
Lead me through this battle with you
and
lets make lasting change .
Every day I am awake just before the light . I hear the silence and gather it around me like a blanket and snuggle it tight . And then with a mind partly in this world and partly in dream world I think .
I think about the day ahead . No plans that I can see due to the pandemic and then I ask myself like being given a test ” What day of the week is this ?” . And when I know it right away it’s a gold star for me I say . It’s a fleeting moment of delight and then comes the next question . What shall I do with this day ?
Walk and then walk again . Rest and walk and move into those things that you’ve dreamt of having time for . You have all of this time now but all of this time will run out I say to myself …again and again .
Living alone while covid 19 changes the world forces emotions to the surface and
brings a new focus to the smallest delights . The aloneness is magnified from what is was
before . Suddenly those solitary evenings that seemed to go on for too long and could be
soothed into comfort with the knowing that in the morning it would be whisked away with
commotion was gone . The commotion of being busy and surrounded and connected to other
people gone . Now walking along a trail in a park , mask covered mouth and nose while
passing from a distance a mother and child and suddenly a small child’s smile takes on a
whole new meaning . Noticing the little things like we did when we were children but now
there’s no rush to be at work or to get home to bed for a speedy night’s sleep . The aloneness
before had it’s challenges too though back then there was hope of a plan or a visit or busy work
day to carry through to relief or comfort .
The phone calls and text messages become a lifeline . Each one opening the way to
connecting to our shared plight and to our humanity and our hope .
The tension builds beneath the surface silently . Moment by moment without
entirely knowing that it’s there the layers of uncertainty and loneliness are building shelves
inside of you. And the beautiful , unexpected miracles of noticing an innocent smile or the
kindness of a stranger or the vibrant colors of the sky and my heart swells with a love from
before my existence . A love that has carried us through all of time . Tears well up in my eyes .
Is it the striking aloneness that I feel or the love that is so deep for all of life that makes it so the
tears must flow . When sleep finally comes it’s comfort is a delight and in the morning the hope
and the search for the little things will begin again .
The spring has come and knowing little of our human fright it sings . It beckons . It dances with delight . It must sense it’s new found freedom . I wonder . Does nature now feel it’s man made noose loosened ? The song birds sing more sweetly and the trees less tense . The quietness so soothing for life to be able to breathe again that is for all one but one .
The sadness presses against the quiet . Love and the fragility of human life are in each moment now . The breathtaking moments of courage and compassion rise and in-between is cherished laughter to lighten our hearts and carry us on .
The songs of Mother nature are freely sung now and her wild animals live with less fear . The people that were trampling upon the sacredness of life are the ones seeking to return to what is gone . To fight the flow of change is to create your own despair . And that heaviness hangs in the air .
The rustlings of the trees and the currents of the oceans shake me free from the weightiness of false designs . Turn into the heart and release her songs into all of life and the freedom of knowingness will carry you onward . 