Category Archives: Beginnings

Stamina 2020

Stamina called forward and on some days it barely stays . It does stay though and thankfully so .  Choose to do a new action when it seems as if it might  slip away and entice it to return . Deep sigh I can go on now with stamina by by side .

Purpose in each day is a search and rescue mission now .  There are days when it appears with grace and ease and oh what a delight That is . And then the days  arrive that attempt to steal  the joy with the murmurings  of  lack and questions of now what ?

Gratitude has grown because it’s heard more easily now in the quieter days  and nights of a society partly in mourning  . The voice of a loved one might visit  uplifting  the spirit like a bountiful , beautiful garden .  It’s the magnificent single moments that linger in the heart. Thankfully the smiles can still be felt and the kindness of stamina remains .

 

Oh Dear World , I Miss you

How does the adventurer’s  soul  and spontaneous spirit strive to survive  now ?   Wings feeling clipped .  The physical freedom to roam that used to bring the spontaneous  wanderings of the mind and soul now halted .   How to replenish and refresh perspectives while staring at the same walls ?

There is a requirement for rest in order to turn around the stress and yet ….the mind is thinking , thinking , thinking . “What’s next ?”

Longing for the days of preparing for a trip . Being ready for the airport or a long road trip . The joy , the excitement  of embracing the unknown as much as the known . Feeling safe in the idea that any detours or unforeseen  threats would be visible and therefore manageable on any trip . Now it’s invisible and could threaten your life .

The aloneness of  solitary travels can set you on course for recognizing  love in the connections to all life forces .  It can teach you who you are and return you to the precious threads of human connection .

When you step off of an airplane onto unfamiliar ground are you calmed by the new?   And excited to begin anew ?

Oh Dear World ,  I miss you now during Covid 19 .  The images on a screen  bring little solace because I know you all are struggling too . Our sight will surely be altered by this time of loss and distress .  It is an opportunity  beyond the anguish .

Will we rise ?

Tears are Not Enough . Period .

Born white and free

and

in ways i did not see .

Until I became a latch key child  .

As I grew I rebelled against the white cocoon

and paid a price for it .

Not as dear  though as the price paid by African Americans

to simply live .

Or rather …not to live .

What good are my tears for you ? I must use my voice and body to join with yours .

Lead me through this battle with you

and

lets make lasting change .

Waking Just Before the Light in a Pandemic

Every day  I am awake just before the light .  I hear the silence and gather it around me like a blanket and snuggle it tight  .   And then with a mind partly in this world and partly in dream world I think .

I think about the day ahead . No plans that I can see due to the pandemic  and then I ask myself like being given a test ” What day of the week is this ?” . And when I know it right away it’s a gold star for me I say .  It’s a fleeting moment of delight and then  comes the next question .  What shall I do with this day ?

Walk and then walk again .  Rest and walk and move into those things that you’ve dreamt of having time for .  You have all of this time now but all of this time will run out I say to myself …again and again .

Where the Wildness of Flowers are Free

I awake to dreams of being in beautiful places .  Imaginings and heart wanderings removed

from staidness .  Places where healthy  streams , cool and clear , sparkling in the light flow .

Leading from a mountain top where strong , blue green grasses grow  and the wildness of the

flowers are free to be .  Then to the meadows as the heart leads and where the mountain met

the world .  It’s graceful expanse calls out with it’s charms  and  winds singing hymns .  A few

horses run wild and free as family and all of  the while holding their  own .  Their power is love

and fearless  wisdom even more than the massive muscles carrying them on .  My heart goes

along with them for as long as it can and until I’m back in a sleep meant for

navigating this world .

 

Humanity Healing in Isolation

The first thought was of how surreal it all seemed .  Standing with but a few coworkers in the now desolate work space and listening  as a couple of our Chef’s told us that we were being sent home until further notice . To  stay home , stay safe and that we would receive  weekly phone calls to check in with us . They welcomed our thoughts and  concerns .  One  man spoke of our frightening  it all was for him .  All I could think of was how much I appreciated the way in which we came together  , adapted to our changing circumstances and got the work done with good cheer in spite of our fears .

We parted company almost in silence . As if someone  had died . The weight of not knowing when or if we’d all be back together in what used to be a bustling kitchen dance was bringing us into ourselves deeply .

On the surface I told myself that it was an opportunity  to work on my art . That it would be the time and mental space that I had longed for in order to create .  I had not yet recognized the depth of the sorrow for the world that would hold my heart bringing it’s own challenges to overcome in order to create .

And it was not only the world’s sorrows and difficulties  that held me but also my own from the seeds that began my life . The aloneness that is loneliness  born from a lack of connection to the people  that are supposed to love you . When you are unseen in the moments that deeply touch your heart and are invisible  when the moments of joy bring out the laughter  and rather than joining in those moments they were experienced alone amongst the people  that said they loved you .

I worried that  the social isolation  demanded during this pandemic would be a great burden on my already wounded soul .  I allowed myself to weep . It was deep , anguish throughout the ages , kind of weeping . It led me , somehow , to my place of resiliency  and love for life . I awoke from the fear of feeling longing to discover a way to help myself move through this time of global isolation .

Since I felt unable to focus  on my artistic passions of painting and sketching  then I would safely venture out in the city streets , as often as I had the energy for , and photograph the people  and sights that spoke  to our humanity amidst a life threatening virus . Capturing spontaneous images of  the ways in which we express our kindness as well our fears became  my project  . By focusing on the visible ways that people  chose to express themselves during  a previously unimaginable  stress  is a means for healing my own wounds and stress . It is also a way of feeling to connected to people  rather than alone and isolated . I become an observer as well as a participant  in  the struggle of the unknown .

The spontaneous wanderings around the closed up city with camera at the ready has afforded me the  sight that my heart craves . The heart that still beats in the world  and shows itself  in the handmade signs expressing love for strangers , concern for your safety and courage to keep going .

This photo project that I’ve created as an assignment  for myself is not quite done . I look forward to sharing it soon .

Thank you .

In this Moment Here with Me

We despair over the unknown and yet it is there that we are free . It could cage you

if thats what you choose or set you free to be

in this moment here with me .

We surrender to fear and like an expert jewel thief it robs us of life . It’s not the fear that guides and protects , but the one that steals your heart away .

We live so as to love and to love means to risk it all . Mind , heart and soul .

We despair over the losses of our loves . The family , friends and the  ones unknown to us that are suddenly gone  from life .

Left to our worries and left with our kind thoughts of hugs and laughter and of days shared in sunshine and in rain .

We touch each other’s  existence and must remember  that it is so much more .  It is not in judgement that lifts a life but in kindness that an eternal thread lives on .

In this moment here with me your life will live on .

Why the Earth Soothes the Brokenness

Her charms are never ending .  Her power to delight an eternal story of love .

She challenges us and gifts us all at the same time .

The Earth and her inhabitants share breath as one .

And the when spirit feels stretched beyond the imaginable allotment  of pain she soothes us .

She soothes us with a light rain calming and delicate .

she soothes us with the joyous brightness of the sun warming and exciting .

She soothes us with the wildness of thunderstorms and setting our own wildness free .

She gifts us with so many things .

Every moment , every breath

Dear Earth

I thank you .

 

The Gentle Moments

I remember  gentle moments . The moments that simply are peace . The peace that is born in one’s heart and  when unleashed it  washes away fear . The gentle  moments  flow around me and within me as comforting as  being tucked under warm , soft covers while a storm churns outside . I sometimes must remember  to choose those  moments over demanding forces of ego .

I remember the lightness of feeling free . Free when my attention is turned towards kindness and free when the  dance  is with love .

In the Wild

In the wild ,  amid ancient trees holding stories of the magic and  of the tragedy of life , is a stillness .  A beautiful , deep stillness .  It is where the wisdom from ancestors may surface . It is where forgotten dreams come to to visit and where the knowing of love , pure and free from ego , expands into it’s gentle power of eternity .

In the wild ,  amid the  star filled sky ,  cares of tomorrow float up and away  making  space  for a peaceful  heart  and sweet sleep .  The moments are alive and true . Uncomplicated  and  wondrous , they are alive travel through time , offering songs that only a soul may hear .