Where is the next step ? Going on exploratory trips inside the mind and the emotions and expecting an answer . The anchors are few and seem related only to material and practical parameters . Why ? Why is the clarity so elusive ? Seeking change and not knowing where it is . All the while placing the burden of healing underneath the desire for change . Will the change create the opening for healing to continue , to expand ?
Thinking that the lack of clarity was simply tied into some universal timing . Reminding myself that acceptance is a powerful tool rather than pure passivity . That giving oneself over to acceptance can actually bring freedom . Freedom that brings action . And onward we go !
Still feeling as if caught inside of a struggle somehow and yet so close to knowing . Knowing what to do next . I stood at the water’s edge , looking out , and feeling a chill . The sky was filled with shades of grey blue hues and dramatic movement . Far off it look to be restless and stormy .
Then a thought came . It is I that is holding back the change . It is , both , fear and comfort . It is I that is holding onto what is already known rather than embracing the unknown . It is within my heart and within my thoughts that keeps me still … for now anyway .
A man standing well off to the side of a convenience store . Looking cold from the chill in the air and with a well worn roller bag next to him . Big eyes with a look of kindness against his weathered face which clearly held some stories .
Suddenly i was looking to see if I had any cash with me . Yes, I did . It was a moment of certainty after that . I walked towards him . He was gracious and thankful . He began to say something . He hesitated seeming lost a bit . ” You don’t have to tell me your story because I already understand it ” I said . A moment of connection that takes me to my heart .
The silly needs space to be free . It is a way of healing old , emotional wounds . A way of releasing the weight of needless burdens . It is a way of opening the path to spontaneity and that is where limitless thinking is born .
Self imposed barriers …where are they born ? From the fears of adults that we were your caregivers when you were young ? The teachers that intimidated you in school ? From the people that told you that your ideas were foolish ?
Free to choose the direction , free from the past and free from tomorrow . Where the heart yearns to go is where I must follow .
I heard the birds singing this morning as it were spring . it was like a sweet , gentle smile opening across one’s face . Sun inspiring whimsey and a dash of hope in such a way that i was nearly fooled . Fooled into thinking that spring was near rather than the fall and approaching winter .
Expanding dreams in the warm rays of sunlight is easy and sweet . A joyous dance in ideas and amongst roads yet to be seen . Unfolding a layer and releasing all barriers in thought , word and deed .
I am happy to know what I don’t know so that I will learn as i go .