Tag Archives: Covid 19

Walking Through the Hours

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Meandering through a global pandemic as if at any moment a beautiful , wild river will appear and cleanse the world from disease and dis – ease . Imagining the rapids roaring and mighty , surging onward , around twists and turns . The exhilarating force setting the heart free .

Slowly entering each day , it’s beginning unsure , then suddenly going all in . Questioning at least once each day ” do the unmasked notice the masked the way that the masked notice them ?” Life is a flow of change that does not judge and simply is . But in our choices we judge and claim for ourselves superiority .

Walking singularly through the hours there is an enormity of space for observations and for thoughts to wander and grow . Leap frogging from one to another and forming connections in the spaces left open by a global pandemic .

Silence . Remembering the lives that are lost in silence while the sounds of life , given a reprieve from man’s creations , are magnificent and subtle . How much can be heard in a single moment of silence ?

Or perhaps a look towards the night sky and imagining the timelessness of life . It’s beauty lives on through the science and miracle of light . the unknown and the known intertwined in a dance touching stars and planets and human hearts here on earth .

There is peace to be had in a pause and in a single breath . And in reflection as well as in action . Our thoughts , words and deeds live on beyond any single moment . Like imagining the rapids that go on and on .

Giving Birth to a New USA

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On the very day that we laid to rest one of our  greatest human rights leaders of our time this :

I am a mom to a compassionate ,  intelligent young woman .  Her kind and giving heart stands up for injustices against those with less privilege  . People  that suffer because of having  less privileges  and opportunities  simply because of the color of their skin .  I am of the same heart  and mind as my daughter .  Since early in my youth I have felt the call to stand up for human rights , protesting peacefully , writing  letters to legislators , volunteering  and …listening .  And today my daughter faced the ugliness of hatred  because  of her values and principles   . She has Black Lives Matter written on the  back window of her car . She has other pro human rights sentiments  on her window as well .

Today , of all days ,  someone  chose to threaten her life because of it . A man chose to follow her off of a freeway exit , he sped up along side of her and turned  his vehicle inwards towards  her car  as if to ram her and to force her off of the road .  A life threatening action that could  have been catastrophe with   irreversible results .  And all because he did not like her opinions . He violently opposed her  values . His risked her  life as well the lives of others by his actions .

Here we are America . Threatening each other  over human rights . Over what it means to be considered a human being .  Wiling to end another persons life because she or he stands up for social justice .  It’s time to give birth to a new USA .

The process is painful .  My hope is that what is taking place now with the violence against peaceful protests and individuals  is like the birthing process .  It is  a struggle . It is painful and it is violent . And at the other side of it a more just , equitable  and compassionate country .

The people fighting against the changes have caught the disease of hatred and fear . Desperation  has taken hold of them .  They are entangled within their own chains . How might we set them free from the hate ?

In the darkness of such hate we must be the light .  Carry a peaceful heart and in the words of Mr.Lewis ” make  good trouble ” .

 

 

The Man in the Tower Hiding

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A comet soaring through the sky  wishing  away worries from the earth below .

It’s only for  moment .

Fires of the quest for justice burn ….and burn .

And those few that are untouched and are  so far away from the pain just scold .

And blame .

The man in the tower hiding  the darkness behind false  whiteness   steals souls and

glows red .

And tosses raw flesh to his spectators .

Unrealized is the relentless power of the will to do right . It won’t stop .

The birth of reawakening in the heart and spirit of  warriors  in our streets come

together as one .

This battle is not done .

 

Stamina 2020

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Stamina called forward and on some days it barely stays . It does stay though and thankfully so .  Choose to do a new action when it seems as if it might  slip away and entice it to return . Deep sigh I can go on now with stamina by by side .

Purpose in each day is a search and rescue mission now .  There are days when it appears with grace and ease and oh what a delight That is . And then the days  arrive that attempt to steal  the joy with the murmurings  of  lack and questions of now what ?

Gratitude has grown because it’s heard more easily now in the quieter days  and nights of a society partly in mourning  . The voice of a loved one might visit  uplifting  the spirit like a bountiful , beautiful garden .  It’s the magnificent single moments that linger in the heart. Thankfully the smiles can still be felt and the kindness of stamina remains .

 

Voices

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Bodies and voices joining forces

The silent ones blooming .

And what is looming ?

Day into night  and Police become might .

Hundreds of years will no longer be silenced

and batons bashing  limbs and spitting into faces will not deter .

I love you as myself and sometimes even more

so set those voices free ! And lets not stop until it’s done !

Voices

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Bodies and voices joining forces

The silent ones blooming .

And what is looming ?

Day into night  and Police become might .

Hundreds of years will no longer be silenced

and batons bashing  limbs and spitting into faces will not deter .

I love you as myself and sometimes even more

so set those voices free ! And lets not stop until it’s done !

Tears are Not Enough . Period .

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Born white and free

and

in ways i did not see .

Until I became a latch key child  .

As I grew I rebelled against the white cocoon

and paid a price for it .

Not as dear  though as the price paid by African Americans

to simply live .

Or rather …not to live .

What good are my tears for you ? I must use my voice and body to join with yours .

Lead me through this battle with you

and

lets make lasting change .

Pandemic Reflections: May 19 The Empty Rice Shelf

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I stayed too long in my cozy bed .  And today became  strongly up and down with emotions  and I thought it was just fine and then I ventured out .  Creating a todo list in my head and deciding the order of things  too while reminding myself that there wasn’t  any hurry . It’s not like before I thought …again and again .  So off for a walk I went and arriving at the trail’s entrance  was, nearly , startled to find  the street lined with parked cars .  So many  people , is it too many I wondered ?  I secured my cloth mask  and began walking . It was sunny with a breeze and not too many  people walking .  Relief and  purpose returned to my mind . Good I thought after a two mile  walk and now off to the store .

After  arriving  at the store,  having found a parking spot , I paused before going inside .  I noticed the people  coming and going and mostly wearing masks .  Thank goodness i thought .  There were only a few items on the list  in my head but important ones like water and rice and cat food  .  For the several  days the entire section of rice had been empty .  Several long , expansive shelves empty of product .  It was the first section that I went to and … it was still empty .  I stood for a few moment staring .  Ok I thought and took a deep breath onward to the next item .  The bottled water that I had come to appreciate  for it’s quality , price and even  it’s packaging  was next on my list .  I turned down the aisle for water and could see the shelf was empty .  I walked closer .  Yup . cleared out .  Feeling a bit defeated now I gathered  my thoughts and continued onward .   Cat food . There on the shelf was some cat food that my senior cat would eat .  Deep exhale and noticing a sense of sadness  moving towards  into my thrust . I push it away .

I check out with my one item and head back towards my car .  I unlock the car , get in , and suddenly I feel the tears arrive .  I sit weeping and say to myself ” I know it’s not just the empty rice shelf . I know it’s so much more than that .”  But the empty rice shelf bring me to tears .

Waking Just Before the Light in a Pandemic

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Every day  I am awake just before the light .  I hear the silence and gather it around me like a blanket and snuggle it tight  .   And then with a mind partly in this world and partly in dream world I think .

I think about the day ahead . No plans that I can see due to the pandemic  and then I ask myself like being given a test ” What day of the week is this ?” . And when I know it right away it’s a gold star for me I say .  It’s a fleeting moment of delight and then  comes the next question .  What shall I do with this day ?

Walk and then walk again .  Rest and walk and move into those things that you’ve dreamt of having time for .  You have all of this time now but all of this time will run out I say to myself …again and again .

Aloneness During Covid 19

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Living alone while covid 19 changes the world forces emotions to the surface and

brings a new focus to  the smallest delights .  The aloneness is magnified from what is was

before .  Suddenly those solitary evenings that seemed to go on for too long and  could be

soothed into comfort  with the knowing that in the morning it would be whisked away with

commotion  was gone . The commotion  of being busy and surrounded and connected to other

people  gone . Now   walking along a trail in a park , mask covered mouth and nose while

passing  from a distance  a mother and child and suddenly a small child’s smile takes on a

whole new meaning .  Noticing the little things like we did when we were children but now

there’s no rush to be at work or to get home to bed for a speedy night’s sleep . The aloneness

before had it’s challenges too though back then there was hope of a plan or a visit or busy work

day to carry through to relief or comfort .

The phone calls and text messages become a lifeline .  Each one opening the way to

connecting to our shared plight and to our humanity and our  hope .

The tension builds  beneath the surface silently . Moment by moment without

entirely knowing that it’s there the layers of uncertainty and loneliness  are building shelves

inside of you.  And  the beautiful , unexpected miracles of noticing an innocent smile or the

kindness of a stranger or the vibrant colors of the sky and my heart swells with a love from

before my existence  . A  love that has carried us through all of time . Tears well up in my eyes .

Is it the striking aloneness that I feel or the love that is so deep for all of life that makes it so  the

tears must flow .  When sleep finally comes it’s comfort is a delight and in the morning the hope

and the search for the little things will begin again .

 

 

Mon Coeur