I am ready for a life of love and joy flowing
I am puing down he angst and walking away .
Ready
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Category Archives: Compassion
https://www.blurb.com/b/11671336
Healing Our Hunger
Imagery and Poetry for Ending Food Insecurity
By Barbara L. Chapman
Does a Soul Choose …
A new life arrives . She is given away . Is the first experience of this life one of trauma ? Aside from the one of leaving a safe womb does the separation from her beginnings of life impact her sense of comfort and trust ?
She is born with a trusting heart no matter the circumstances . She loves deeply , so deeply that it surprises even her .
Welcomed into a home , into a family , that wants to be what it is not . There is love . There is love that battles within itself and with it’s own brokenness . Her love , in innocence , rises to the surface in moments of celebration . Like when she awakens first thing every morning , before opening her eyes , then is a joyous smile across her face. Did her soul choose to know the indescribable ache while also choosing to carry a joy filled heart and an ever replenishing trust ? The brokenness of the family integrated more trauma into her original wound and in quietness she finds a healer , herself . Did her soul choose ?
And in her quietness she sometimes dreams of knowing wholeness . Enchanted by the sight of the moon and the stars she finds a sense of rootedness in them . And when she is near water and it’s powerful timelessness then she feels held by the breath of all life past , present and future .
Pandemic Passages
Above the Gases
How to see through the smoke ?
Soldiers in streets uninvited , The people rising . Higher than gases .
Division , is it’s fate to become unified ?
Human history as a recipe repeated .
We will take back our sovereignty .
Tears are Not Enough . Period .
Born white and free
and
in ways i did not see .
Until I became a latch key child .
As I grew I rebelled against the white cocoon
and paid a price for it .
Not as dear though as the price paid by African Americans
to simply live .
Or rather …not to live .
What good are my tears for you ? I must use my voice and body to join with yours .
Lead me through this battle with you
and
lets make lasting change .
Pandemic Reflections: May 19 The Empty Rice Shelf
I stayed too long in my cozy bed . And today became strongly up and down with emotions and I thought it was just fine and then I ventured out . Creating a todo list in my head and deciding the order of things too while reminding myself that there wasn’t any hurry . It’s not like before I thought …again and again . So off for a walk I went and arriving at the trail’s entrance was, nearly , startled to find the street lined with parked cars . So many people , is it too many I wondered ? I secured my cloth mask and began walking . It was sunny with a breeze and not too many people walking . Relief and purpose returned to my mind . Good I thought after a two mile walk and now off to the store .
After arriving at the store, having found a parking spot , I paused before going inside . I noticed the people coming and going and mostly wearing masks . Thank goodness i thought . There were only a few items on the list in my head but important ones like water and rice and cat food . For the several days the entire section of rice had been empty . Several long , expansive shelves empty of product . It was the first section that I went to and … it was still empty . I stood for a few moment staring . Ok I thought and took a deep breath onward to the next item . The bottled water that I had come to appreciate for it’s quality , price and even it’s packaging was next on my list . I turned down the aisle for water and could see the shelf was empty . I walked closer . Yup . cleared out . Feeling a bit defeated now I gathered my thoughts and continued onward . Cat food . There on the shelf was some cat food that my senior cat would eat . Deep exhale and noticing a sense of sadness moving towards into my thrust . I push it away .
I check out with my one item and head back towards my car . I unlock the car , get in , and suddenly I feel the tears arrive . I sit weeping and say to myself ” I know it’s not just the empty rice shelf . I know it’s so much more than that .” But the empty rice shelf bring me to tears .
Waking Just Before the Light in a Pandemic
Every day I am awake just before the light . I hear the silence and gather it around me like a blanket and snuggle it tight . And then with a mind partly in this world and partly in dream world I think .
I think about the day ahead . No plans that I can see due to the pandemic and then I ask myself like being given a test ” What day of the week is this ?” . And when I know it right away it’s a gold star for me I say . It’s a fleeting moment of delight and then comes the next question . What shall I do with this day ?
Walk and then walk again . Rest and walk and move into those things that you’ve dreamt of having time for . You have all of this time now but all of this time will run out I say to myself …again and again .
Aloneness During Covid 19
Living alone while covid 19 changes the world forces emotions to the surface and
brings a new focus to the smallest delights . The aloneness is magnified from what is was
before . Suddenly those solitary evenings that seemed to go on for too long and could be
soothed into comfort with the knowing that in the morning it would be whisked away with
commotion was gone . The commotion of being busy and surrounded and connected to other
people gone . Now walking along a trail in a park , mask covered mouth and nose while
passing from a distance a mother and child and suddenly a small child’s smile takes on a
whole new meaning . Noticing the little things like we did when we were children but now
there’s no rush to be at work or to get home to bed for a speedy night’s sleep . The aloneness
before had it’s challenges too though back then there was hope of a plan or a visit or busy work
day to carry through to relief or comfort .
The phone calls and text messages become a lifeline . Each one opening the way to
connecting to our shared plight and to our humanity and our hope .
The tension builds beneath the surface silently . Moment by moment without
entirely knowing that it’s there the layers of uncertainty and loneliness are building shelves
inside of you. And the beautiful , unexpected miracles of noticing an innocent smile or the
kindness of a stranger or the vibrant colors of the sky and my heart swells with a love from
before my existence . A love that has carried us through all of time . Tears well up in my eyes .
Is it the striking aloneness that I feel or the love that is so deep for all of life that makes it so the
tears must flow . When sleep finally comes it’s comfort is a delight and in the morning the hope
and the search for the little things will begin again .
Mon Coeur
Where the Wildness of Flowers are Free
I awake to dreams of being in beautiful places . Imaginings and heart wanderings removed
from staidness . Places where healthy streams , cool and clear , sparkling in the light flow .
Leading from a mountain top where strong , blue green grasses grow and the wildness of the
flowers are free to be . Then to the meadows as the heart leads and where the mountain met
the world . It’s graceful expanse calls out with it’s charms and winds singing hymns . A few
horses run wild and free as family and all of the while holding their own . Their power is love
and fearless wisdom even more than the massive muscles carrying them on . My heart goes
along with them for as long as it can and until I’m back in a sleep meant for
navigating this world . 
blchapman 