I am ready for a life of love and joy flowing
I am puing down he angst and walking away .

A new life arrives . She is given away . Is the first experience of this life one of trauma ? Aside from the one of leaving a safe womb does the separation from her beginnings of life impact her sense of comfort and trust ?
She is born with a trusting heart no matter the circumstances . She loves deeply , so deeply that it surprises even her .
Welcomed into a home , into a family , that wants to be what it is not . There is love . There is love that battles within itself and with it’s own brokenness . Her love , in innocence , rises to the surface in moments of celebration . Like when she awakens first thing every morning , before opening her eyes , then is a joyous smile across her face. Did her soul choose to know the indescribable ache while also choosing to carry a joy filled heart and an ever replenishing trust ? The brokenness of the family integrated more trauma into her original wound and in quietness she finds a healer , herself . Did her soul choose ?
And in her quietness she sometimes dreams of knowing wholeness . Enchanted by the sight of the moon and the stars she finds a sense of rootedness in them . And when she is near water and it’s powerful timelessness then she feels held by the breath of all life past , present and future .
The light is delicate tonight and the breezes cool. Someone not too far away is
listening to a soprano singing opera . The sounds drift faintly in the air as I watch the
evening light dance with with shadows before calling it a night .
It’s the sort of peaceful , summer night that soothes the soul and invites a restorative
rest .
New dreams are given space to arrive in the subtle , warm glow of the setting sun .
On the very day that we laid to rest one of our greatest human rights leaders of our time this :
I am a mom to a compassionate , intelligent young woman . Her kind and giving heart stands up for injustices against those with less privilege . People that suffer because of having less privileges and opportunities simply because of the color of their skin . I am of the same heart and mind as my daughter . Since early in my youth I have felt the call to stand up for human rights , protesting peacefully , writing letters to legislators , volunteering and …listening . And today my daughter faced the ugliness of hatred because of her values and principles . She has Black Lives Matter written on the back window of her car . She has other pro human rights sentiments on her window as well .
Today , of all days , someone chose to threaten her life because of it . A man chose to follow her off of a freeway exit , he sped up along side of her and turned his vehicle inwards towards her car as if to ram her and to force her off of the road . A life threatening action that could have been catastrophe with irreversible results . And all because he did not like her opinions . He violently opposed her values . His risked her life as well the lives of others by his actions .
Here we are America . Threatening each other over human rights . Over what it means to be considered a human being . Wiling to end another persons life because she or he stands up for social justice . It’s time to give birth to a new USA .
The process is painful . My hope is that what is taking place now with the violence against peaceful protests and individuals is like the birthing process . It is a struggle . It is painful and it is violent . And at the other side of it a more just , equitable and compassionate country .
The people fighting against the changes have caught the disease of hatred and fear . Desperation has taken hold of them . They are entangled within their own chains . How might we set them free from the hate ?
In the darkness of such hate we must be the light . Carry a peaceful heart and in the words of Mr.Lewis ” make good trouble ” .
How does the adventurer’s soul and spontaneous spirit strive to survive now ? Wings feeling clipped . The physical freedom to roam that used to bring the spontaneous wanderings of the mind and soul now halted . How to replenish and refresh perspectives while staring at the same walls ?
There is a requirement for rest in order to turn around the stress and yet ….the mind is thinking , thinking , thinking . “What’s next ?”
Longing for the days of preparing for a trip . Being ready for the airport or a long road trip . The joy , the excitement of embracing the unknown as much as the known . Feeling safe in the idea that any detours or unforeseen threats would be visible and therefore manageable on any trip . Now it’s invisible and could threaten your life .
The aloneness of solitary travels can set you on course for recognizing love in the connections to all life forces . It can teach you who you are and return you to the precious threads of human connection .
When you step off of an airplane onto unfamiliar ground are you calmed by the new? And excited to begin anew ?
Oh Dear World , I miss you now during Covid 19 . The images on a screen bring little solace because I know you all are struggling too . Our sight will surely be altered by this time of loss and distress . It is an opportunity beyond the anguish .
Will we rise ?
Born white and free
and
in ways i did not see .
Until I became a latch key child .
As I grew I rebelled against the white cocoon
and paid a price for it .
Not as dear though as the price paid by African Americans
to simply live .
Or rather …not to live .
What good are my tears for you ? I must use my voice and body to join with yours .
Lead me through this battle with you
and
lets make lasting change .
Living alone while covid 19 changes the world forces emotions to the surface and
brings a new focus to the smallest delights . The aloneness is magnified from what is was
before . Suddenly those solitary evenings that seemed to go on for too long and could be
soothed into comfort with the knowing that in the morning it would be whisked away with
commotion was gone . The commotion of being busy and surrounded and connected to other
people gone . Now walking along a trail in a park , mask covered mouth and nose while
passing from a distance a mother and child and suddenly a small child’s smile takes on a
whole new meaning . Noticing the little things like we did when we were children but now
there’s no rush to be at work or to get home to bed for a speedy night’s sleep . The aloneness
before had it’s challenges too though back then there was hope of a plan or a visit or busy work
day to carry through to relief or comfort .
The phone calls and text messages become a lifeline . Each one opening the way to
connecting to our shared plight and to our humanity and our hope .
The tension builds beneath the surface silently . Moment by moment without
entirely knowing that it’s there the layers of uncertainty and loneliness are building shelves
inside of you. And the beautiful , unexpected miracles of noticing an innocent smile or the
kindness of a stranger or the vibrant colors of the sky and my heart swells with a love from
before my existence . A love that has carried us through all of time . Tears well up in my eyes .
Is it the striking aloneness that I feel or the love that is so deep for all of life that makes it so the
tears must flow . When sleep finally comes it’s comfort is a delight and in the morning the hope
and the search for the little things will begin again .
The spring has come and knowing little of our human fright it sings . It beckons . It dances with delight . It must sense it’s new found freedom . I wonder . Does nature now feel it’s man made noose loosened ? The song birds sing more sweetly and the trees less tense . The quietness so soothing for life to be able to breathe again that is for all one but one .
The sadness presses against the quiet . Love and the fragility of human life are in each moment now . The breathtaking moments of courage and compassion rise and in-between is cherished laughter to lighten our hearts and carry us on .
The songs of Mother nature are freely sung now and her wild animals live with less fear . The people that were trampling upon the sacredness of life are the ones seeking to return to what is gone . To fight the flow of change is to create your own despair . And that heaviness hangs in the air .
The rustlings of the trees and the currents of the oceans shake me free from the weightiness of false designs . Turn into the heart and release her songs into all of life and the freedom of knowingness will carry you onward . 
We despair over the unknown and yet it is there that we are free . It could cage you
if thats what you choose or set you free to be
in this moment here with me .
We surrender to fear and like an expert jewel thief it robs us of life . It’s not the fear that guides and protects , but the one that steals your heart away .
We live so as to love and to love means to risk it all . Mind , heart and soul .
We despair over the losses of our loves . The family , friends and the ones unknown to us that are suddenly gone from life .
Left to our worries and left with our kind thoughts of hugs and laughter and of days shared in sunshine and in rain .
We touch each other’s existence and must remember that it is so much more . It is not in judgement that lifts a life but in kindness that an eternal thread lives on .