Where is the next step ? Going on exploratory trips inside the mind and the emotions and expecting an answer . The anchors are few and seem related only to material and practical parameters . Why ? Why is the clarity so elusive ? Seeking change and not knowing where it is . All the while placing the burden of healing underneath the desire for change . Will the change create the opening for healing to continue , to expand ?
Thinking that the lack of clarity was simply tied into some universal timing . Reminding myself that acceptance is a powerful tool rather than pure passivity . That giving oneself over to acceptance can actually bring freedom . Freedom that brings action . And onward we go !
Still feeling as if caught inside of a struggle somehow and yet so close to knowing . Knowing what to do next . I stood at the water’s edge , looking out , and feeling a chill . The sky was filled with shades of grey blue hues and dramatic movement . Far off it look to be restless and stormy .
Then a thought came . It is I that is holding back the change . It is , both , fear and comfort . It is I that is holding onto what is already known rather than embracing the unknown . It is within my heart and within my thoughts that keeps me still … for now anyway .
Come back . Come back to the trust in your heart . Remember a moment when your heart was repelled by hate and all you wanted was the feeling of home . The feeling of being loved in spite of hard times . The feeling that somehow it is all going to be fine .
Come back . Come back to the truth that you care . Have you been hidden from compassion because fear made you chase circles of lies ? It’s ok to put down the fear and to feel what’s real.
The days , mostly , filled with doing and moving . Prioritizing and producing . And so I come to the water’s edge to be still . To witness . To feel my heart being soothed and to know that the wild part has a place too .
It seems to be time to let go . The barriers built so silently in a moment here and years stretching out there . The heart seeks it’s freedom and it is in the willingness to be seen and felt that the freedom lives .
In the tears that didn’t get hugged away in healing will come a new breath . Vulnerability worn with honor and fearlessness in acceptance of the imperfect spirit learning this dance .
Leap , rest , twirl , rest . Always bringing love into the dance .
A dream tucked snugly into one’s heart and waiting . Waiting until there is a sudden , beautiful click signaling that different necessary elements have come together to breathe life into the dream .
Can you see it in your mind’s eye ? The dream that excites you and carries you through the moments of wondering ” Is his all there is ? ” And even those moments are fleeting and precious and will become a layer in the dream in your heart.
And a doubt ..or two may arrive like a wave . Washing over you and asking for your attention . A small detail held in your hand may become the whole world in your thoughts.
The dream carried in your heart came with you into this world and waits for you .
If this is a dream then I choose to be by a sparkling , clear river . Cool , strong and wild . Feeling the heat of the sun growing stronger upon by face as I venture into the flowing waters with the bare, flesh of my feet . The current so strong it inspires the inner strength in my heart to move forward as if to be in a piece of a dance .
Mesmerizing and exciting all at once by the river . As it moves and curves and softens the life of the rocks it also gathers and gives bits of life . Telling stories along the way wether you listen or not . Ancient and new are the stories of the river . The rushing , churning waters or a tranquil , meandering flow , either way , will signal to all of your senses bringing to you a sort of meditation .
It may not know where the river begins and you may not know where it ends but there is trust in its life giving flow and the peacefulness that you know .