How to see through the smoke ?
Soldiers in streets uninvited , The people rising . Higher than gases .
Division , is it’s fate to become unified ?
Human history as a recipe repeated .
We will take back our sovereignty .
Stamina called forward and on some days it barely stays . It does stay though and thankfully so . Choose to do a new action when it seems as if it might slip away and entice it to return . Deep sigh I can go on now with stamina by by side .
Purpose in each day is a search and rescue mission now . There are days when it appears with grace and ease and oh what a delight That is . And then the days arrive that attempt to steal the joy with the murmurings of lack and questions of now what ?
Gratitude has grown because it’s heard more easily now in the quieter days and nights of a society partly in mourning . The voice of a loved one might visit uplifting the spirit like a bountiful , beautiful garden . It’s the magnificent single moments that linger in the heart. Thankfully the smiles can still be felt and the kindness of stamina remains .
How does the adventurer’s soul and spontaneous spirit strive to survive now ? Wings feeling clipped . The physical freedom to roam that used to bring the spontaneous wanderings of the mind and soul now halted . How to replenish and refresh perspectives while staring at the same walls ?
There is a requirement for rest in order to turn around the stress and yet ….the mind is thinking , thinking , thinking . “What’s next ?”
Longing for the days of preparing for a trip . Being ready for the airport or a long road trip . The joy , the excitement of embracing the unknown as much as the known . Feeling safe in the idea that any detours or unforeseen threats would be visible and therefore manageable on any trip . Now it’s invisible and could threaten your life .
The aloneness of solitary travels can set you on course for recognizing love in the connections to all life forces . It can teach you who you are and return you to the precious threads of human connection .
When you step off of an airplane onto unfamiliar ground are you calmed by the new? And excited to begin anew ?
Oh Dear World , I miss you now during Covid 19 . The images on a screen bring little solace because I know you all are struggling too . Our sight will surely be altered by this time of loss and distress . It is an opportunity beyond the anguish .
Will we rise ?
Born white and free
and
in ways i did not see .
Until I became a latch key child .
As I grew I rebelled against the white cocoon
and paid a price for it .
Not as dear though as the price paid by African Americans
to simply live .
Or rather …not to live .
What good are my tears for you ? I must use my voice and body to join with yours .
Lead me through this battle with you
and
lets make lasting change .
Every day I am awake just before the light . I hear the silence and gather it around me like a blanket and snuggle it tight . And then with a mind partly in this world and partly in dream world I think .
I think about the day ahead . No plans that I can see due to the pandemic and then I ask myself like being given a test ” What day of the week is this ?” . And when I know it right away it’s a gold star for me I say . It’s a fleeting moment of delight and then comes the next question . What shall I do with this day ?
Walk and then walk again . Rest and walk and move into those things that you’ve dreamt of having time for . You have all of this time now but all of this time will run out I say to myself …again and again .
I awake to dreams of being in beautiful places . Imaginings and heart wanderings removed
from staidness . Places where healthy streams , cool and clear , sparkling in the light flow .
Leading from a mountain top where strong , blue green grasses grow and the wildness of the
flowers are free to be . Then to the meadows as the heart leads and where the mountain met
the world . It’s graceful expanse calls out with it’s charms and winds singing hymns . A few
horses run wild and free as family and all of the while holding their own . Their power is love
and fearless wisdom even more than the massive muscles carrying them on . My heart goes
along with them for as long as it can and until I’m back in a sleep meant for
navigating this world . 
The first thought was of how surreal it all seemed . Standing with but a few coworkers in the now desolate work space and listening as a couple of our Chef’s told us that we were being sent home until further notice . To stay home , stay safe and that we would receive weekly phone calls to check in with us . They welcomed our thoughts and concerns . One man spoke of our frightening it all was for him . All I could think of was how much I appreciated the way in which we came together , adapted to our changing circumstances and got the work done with good cheer in spite of our fears .
We parted company almost in silence . As if someone had died . The weight of not knowing when or if we’d all be back together in what used to be a bustling kitchen dance was bringing us into ourselves deeply .
On the surface I told myself that it was an opportunity to work on my art . That it would be the time and mental space that I had longed for in order to create . I had not yet recognized the depth of the sorrow for the world that would hold my heart bringing it’s own challenges to overcome in order to create .
And it was not only the world’s sorrows and difficulties that held me but also my own from the seeds that began my life . The aloneness that is loneliness born from a lack of connection to the people that are supposed to love you . When you are unseen in the moments that deeply touch your heart and are invisible when the moments of joy bring out the laughter and rather than joining in those moments they were experienced alone amongst the people that said they loved you .
I worried that the social isolation demanded during this pandemic would be a great burden on my already wounded soul . I allowed myself to weep . It was deep , anguish throughout the ages , kind of weeping . It led me , somehow , to my place of resiliency and love for life . I awoke from the fear of feeling longing to discover a way to help myself move through this time of global isolation .
Since I felt unable to focus on my artistic passions of painting and sketching then I would safely venture out in the city streets , as often as I had the energy for , and photograph the people and sights that spoke to our humanity amidst a life threatening virus . Capturing spontaneous images of the ways in which we express our kindness as well our fears became my project . By focusing on the visible ways that people chose to express themselves during a previously unimaginable stress is a means for healing my own wounds and stress . It is also a way of feeling to connected to people rather than alone and isolated . I become an observer as well as a participant in the struggle of the unknown .
The spontaneous wanderings around the closed up city with camera at the ready has afforded me the sight that my heart craves . The heart that still beats in the world and shows itself in the handmade signs expressing love for strangers , concern for your safety and courage to keep going .
This photo project that I’ve created as an assignment for myself is not quite done . I look forward to sharing it soon .
Thank you .
We despair over the unknown and yet it is there that we are free . It could cage you
if thats what you choose or set you free to be
in this moment here with me .
We surrender to fear and like an expert jewel thief it robs us of life . It’s not the fear that guides and protects , but the one that steals your heart away .
We live so as to love and to love means to risk it all . Mind , heart and soul .
We despair over the losses of our loves . The family , friends and the ones unknown to us that are suddenly gone from life .
Left to our worries and left with our kind thoughts of hugs and laughter and of days shared in sunshine and in rain .
We touch each other’s existence and must remember that it is so much more . It is not in judgement that lifts a life but in kindness that an eternal thread lives on .
In this moment here with me your life will live on .
Her charms are never ending . Her power to delight an eternal story of love .
She challenges us and gifts us all at the same time .
The Earth and her inhabitants share breath as one .
And the when spirit feels stretched beyond the imaginable allotment of pain she soothes us .
She soothes us with a light rain calming and delicate .
she soothes us with the joyous brightness of the sun warming and exciting .
She soothes us with the wildness of thunderstorms and setting our own wildness free .
She gifts us with so many things .
Every moment , every breath
Dear Earth
I thank you .
I remember gentle moments . The moments that simply are peace . The peace that is born in one’s heart and when unleashed it washes away fear . The gentle moments flow around me and within me as comforting as being tucked under warm , soft covers while a storm churns outside . I sometimes must remember to choose those moments over demanding forces of ego .
I remember the lightness of feeling free . Free when my attention is turned towards kindness and free when the dance is with love . 
blchapman 