Born lovingly then instantly removed . Six weeks later in a home with a mother unaccustomed to affection and unconditional love . Dear heart she did not know . I loved her freely and as if she were my own . The thought of a wound in my heart from birth did not cross my thoughts . Ever.
Fifty years , and then some , have passed and It is now that I am choosing to cross a threshold into fearless exploration and acceptance of a wound in my heart from birth .
To know that a fierce and passionate love for my whole being is the means by which the empty space in my heart will be healed . The friend , the romance and the adventure are magnificent pieces of the whole and the only completion of filling the space in my heart must come from the fiercest and most courageous love imaginable and it must come from me .
The comfort of silence may be a very loving space . Beyond the fear , beyond the doubts it will slowly welcome you and ease away the burdens of commotion on the run . It becomes like the stillness offered by a winter’s snow . A bit worrisome at first and then as you surrender to it’s beauty , it’s quietness your muscles begin to relax . Thoughts are calm and the desire to be cozy with our mind , body and spirit as one is welcome and , perhaps , a relief .
What do you hear in the quiet ? In the silence ? Do you hear your dreams and remember what love means ?
Going into the silence is it’s own reward . A freedom as well as an exploration . One and the same . The cage is fear and we easily build our cages out of noise . The fear of hearing our longings and of recognizing wounds placed upon us by others . We must love our wounds in order to free them and we only hear them in the silence . I am learning to love the silence as it guides me to learning to love myself .
I surrender to the passions and longing of the creative processes planted in my spirit . The seeds planted long ago before I knew myself and before I knew the freedom of surrender .
She calls to me at all hours and asks only that I listen . And when I listen I am moved to create and to give and to explore . Step outside of what you’ve grown accustomed to and outside of judgment placed upon you and travel inside the the infinite spaces of your heart .
See the stars and bright lights of planets set into motion before you were a whisper …or were you a whisper in the life of a star and now here you are .
The beauty in your kindness echoes throughout the ages and the love that flows freely from your heart is felt throughout the world beyond any measurement known to man .
Music in my heart sends me dancing into a night sky and touching stars . It’s all so much more than a any one single moment and yet a single moment is everything , Your smile could free a heart and anger may in prison it . which will be ?
My heart reminds me to feel the music and to welcome the colors that tell of a song written long ago , The colors invite me listen and to claim joy . To be bold one moment and to quietly observe in the next ,
Melodies and movement in my mind become explorations of creative expression and are freedom . I set my heart free …to be .
Come back . Come back to the trust in your heart . Remember a moment when your heart was repelled by hate and all you wanted was the feeling of home . The feeling of being loved in spite of hard times . The feeling that somehow it is all going to be fine .
Come back . Come back to the truth that you care . Have you been hidden from compassion because fear made you chase circles of lies ? It’s ok to put down the fear and to feel what’s real.
The days , mostly , filled with doing and moving . Prioritizing and producing . And so I come to the water’s edge to be still . To witness . To feel my heart being soothed and to know that the wild part has a place too .
It seems to be time to let go . The barriers built so silently in a moment here and years stretching out there . The heart seeks it’s freedom and it is in the willingness to be seen and felt that the freedom lives .
In the tears that didn’t get hugged away in healing will come a new breath . Vulnerability worn with honor and fearlessness in acceptance of the imperfect spirit learning this dance .
Leap , rest , twirl , rest . Always bringing love into the dance .
If this is a dream then I choose to be by a sparkling , clear river . Cool , strong and wild . Feeling the heat of the sun growing stronger upon by face as I venture into the flowing waters with the bare, flesh of my feet . The current so strong it inspires the inner strength in my heart to move forward as if to be in a piece of a dance .
Mesmerizing and exciting all at once by the river . As it moves and curves and softens the life of the rocks it also gathers and gives bits of life . Telling stories along the way wether you listen or not . Ancient and new are the stories of the river . The rushing , churning waters or a tranquil , meandering flow , either way , will signal to all of your senses bringing to you a sort of meditation .
It may not know where the river begins and you may not know where it ends but there is trust in its life giving flow and the peacefulness that you know .