Living with my imperfections in the dark only gave them power. Now the freedom comes in waves like the Ocean rushing to the shore and taking away the fears like grains of sand .
Allowing Forgiveness to Wash over Me
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Patience in the Chaos
Now that you have gone I wonder …
Were you the counter part that allowed me to have patience ?
Now I expect the answers before I know the question .
Did the best parts of me exist because of you ? 
The Threads of Connection
There had been an expectation in my heart that everyone would know my loss. That by some miracle all of the dears in my life would feel the threads of love , of loss and simply know the hurt that I was feeling . I lived on in the hope that I was not moving through the silent upheaval inside of my soul alone .
‘Coming into Being’ chalk pastel 18×24 2/2013 #48
Join us May 7 for a Guided Storefronts Arts Walk!
Want to get some more insight on our newest batch of storefront installations in South Lake Union? Shunpike’s new Program Coordinator, Morgan Cahn will be hosting a FREE guided walking tour of the eight current storefronts installations in the SLU neighborhood.
See works by Aitana de la Jara, Rickie Wolfe, Dakota Gearhart, Katherine Noel, Ellen DiCola, k burnley, Rachel Dorn, Diana Surma, Judd Cohen and Erik Rosenbladt!
No Need to Register! Just show up, May 7th, on the corner of Mercer Street and Terry Avenue @ 6pm.
New Sight
I had to learn how to see her again . Big, brown eyes mellow and soft when displaying her sensitive nature and fiercely courageous when taking a stand. These are details of who she was and were tucked safely away within the vitality of love . Protected from the chaos and disrepair of grief the moments that had passed between us remained alive .
THE LIGHT
The courage I needed arrived in the quiet , in the dark . It was the strength of her trust and her faith
that fed me when I was too exhausted to eat. It was her child like pleas for Chocolate that me gave fleeting
smiles like a light in the darkness of fear.
She was a light in my life .
Holding her frail hand was easy . Letting it go …heartbreak .
I felt like a scared kitten
Depression affects up to two thirds of people who have a stroke. For stroke survivors who have children, this can make being a positive parent very difficult.
We have received a submission from Kami, a 10 year old girl from the USA. Kami’s mother sought treatment for post stroke depression.
Kami says:
‘After my mom had her stroke, she got angry more and more and got angry quicker. I was scared when my mom got angry at me, just like a kitten is scared of being put into a car carrier. I would do arts and crafts or play with my stuffed animals and that would help me feel better.
Now, my mom doesn’t get angry like she did at first. And instead of getting stressed, my mom cuddles up with me and we watch Dr. Who together!
I would tell other kids whose mom or dad had a stroke…
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‘ Sit Up Straight ‘
I can still hear her voice , kindly yet firm , reminding me to be aware of my posture.
The initial pain , after she was gone , felt like a sucker punch to the gut . How did I not see it coming ? I had , after all , been holding her hand , listening to her accounts of visions in the night and even changing her diapers .
Accepting my grief for what it was , without boundaries , was one lesson that needed learning . Later on came learning how to live and welcome new beginnings. 
Quivering
I looked at her wondering if she needed anything. She had been resting quietly though her eyes were wide open . Over the years I had stopped noticing the sweet softness of her big , brown eyes. She was my mother after all and I was accustomed to looking in her eyes for signs of approval , worry or love.
Here she was facing , experiencing , her end of life.
I was caught up with the daily practicalities of her care. It protected me from my own fear of was still to come. I had not been able to imagine a world with out her in it in spite of past my experiences with the losses of loved ones. And there she lay , quietly . I wondered what she was thinking more often than I asked .
Her lips began to quiver , her brow and her eyes suddenly acquired the appearance of a frightened child .
She said to me ” I am scared “.
blchapman 